I don’t mean to be “political” but ... the Republican Party is in such disarray, it can’t even present its shiniest star without becoming the butt of ridicule.

I speak, of course, about Sen. Marco Rubio’s “water torture” in the service of the Republican Rebuttal to President Obama’s State of the Union address.

Rubio’s response to Obama’s barn burner was passable, at times even inspirational, but it was ruined by the young senator’s runaway case of dry mouth, leading to his now legendary lunge for an out-of-the-frame bottle of Poland Spring. Liberals leapt on the awkward agua break, and the good parts of the speech were forgotten.

The blame lies squarely with the Republican Party.

Part of the job of any public relations counselor is to serve as “producer” for his client’s presentation. The aim is to present the client in the very best light, and that means “staging” a production that is choreographed to succeed – from the lighting to the camera angles to the water on the table.

The State of the Union, for example, is a rigorously choreographed presentation.  
From its glad-handing run up to the President’s entrance to the historic declaration by the Sergeant at Arms of the House of Representatives to the President’s slow walk down the aisle through well-wishers to the Speaker’s solemn introduction to the well-planned applause lines – the State of the Union is a public relations production, pure and simple, designed to spotlight the leader in the arena addressing his minions.

And it works.

Likewise, the Republican Rebuttal is a TV show, so it should be choreographed as such and not treated as a barren exposure of the poor shnook who drew the short straw.

With the shabby way the Republicans set up their new savior – a barren room with a teleprompter and hot TV lights, bereft of an audience, with no water within reach -- Rubio was literally walking into the Valley of the Shadow of Death, doomed to fail. Which he did.

There’s no rule that says this toughest of tough speeches – which this annual Rebuttal most certainly is -- must be delivered in such Spartan conditions. It’s a TV show for goddsakes. And it must be treated as such.
Here’s what the wrong-way Republicans should consider for next year’s State of the Union Rebuttal.

  • More comfortable setting 

As noted, Rubio was doomed once he walked into that claustrophobic little room, with the embarrassing family photo propped up on the desk behind him.

Why not make it a more comfortable, informal setting? You can’t beat the formality of a Joint Session of Congress, so why try? Rubio is a young, hip, listener of rap music. So why present him as just another stuffy, formal, angry Republican?

Mitch McConnell and John Boehner, he ain’t. Thank god! So next time, loosen up the set…get him an easy chair…put him at a table.

Reduce the formality.

  • Studio audience. 

Get him some listeners.

While the President has the luxury not only of the canned, on-cue applause, he’s also got the benefit of all the TV reaction shots. Were he to pause for a sip of water, no one would mind; there are a lot of other people on which the camera can focus.

Rubio had no such luxury. He, like the battered Bobby Jindal four years  before him, stayed in the headlights for all 10 excruciating minutes; no pauses, no breaks, no chance to reach for a water break without Twitter lighting up like Christopher Dorner’s cabin.

Not only was it unfair to Rubio; it was also stupid and the antithesis of how this particular young man should be presented.  

Rubio, like Obama, connects with an audience. That’s his strength. He encourages reactions from listeners and responds naturally when they offer it. In fact, it is his accessibility that is precisely the reason Republicans have anointed him as their new spokesman.

So why not place him with a small audience at a table or in chairs or in a town hall circular setting?  Anything to break out of the straightjacket of one talking head on screen for an interminable period.

  • Hydrate him. 

Is it conceivable that a young man making his first national speech before millions of curious countrymen in answer to a newly-reelected President might just require an occasional water break?

Ya’ think?

So give him a high table or lectern or counter or something on which he might place a glass --- a “glass,” not a cheap plastic bottle! – of water. Don’t make the poor kid reach across the frame for an unadorned bottle of Poland Spring, while Chris Matthews and Rachel Maddow, not to mention David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel, salivate at the good fortune the liberal gods have landed them.

Thank goodness, the bottle was already open and Rubio didn’t have to face further embarrassment of struggling  with the cap.

Marco Rubio’s 2013 “Water Bottle Gate” ought to be the final straw to make Republicans tear up the rebuttal play book and rethink the whole presentation; right after, that is, they fire all the clueless consultants who had a hand in Sen. Rubio’s self-immolation.