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Donald Trump might seem like a standup comic, except he’s not funny, and he’s spending lots of money to run for President of the United States. Given his erratic nature — screaming that the world is out to get him, routinely sending his security gang after any challenger — we might eventually ask where this behavior comes from.
A key psychological publication said that a narcissist will often say things like, “I’m the most responsible person you know,” and “you can always count on me,” yet when the rubber meets the road — an old saying about being put to the test — they seem to wiggle out of accountability every time. Sound familiar?
Narcissists will gladly take responsibility for things they deem worthy, especially when it provides an opportunity to be the center of attention. However, when others place responsibility on the narcissist, he/she sees this as a loss of control. This violates one of their personal mantras, that no one will have power over them. As a result, they escape from all liability. How?
Intimidate/Blame. The narcissist begins by bullying the person endeavoring to hold him/her accountable. Frequently they resort to name calling and belittling to assert dominance over the other person. Once a subordinate position has been established, they blame the person for attempting to make the narcissist look less than superior.
Accuse/Project. To circumvent any accountability, the narcissist preempts the attack by accusing another person. Usually they pick an overly responsible, co-dependent person who idolizes the narcissist. Then the narcissist projects the things they are answerable for onto the other person, thus escaping before the attack.
Argue/Exhaust. This tactic has great immediate results. When confronted, the narcissist picks one small detail and argues it to the umpteenth degree. If the other person argues back, they pick another tiny point and persistently wear down their opponent. Exhausted, frustrated and annoyed, the other person gives on up holding the narcissist liable.
Deny/Rewrite. One way of avoiding responsibility is for the narcissist to deny they have any. Even if the item is written down, the narcissist will make excuses and rewrite history. Frequently they take the victim role by saying they were forced into being held accountable when in actuality they willingly did so. This tactic often leaves the other person questioning themselves and their memory.
Divert/Attack. This method begins with an outburst over something very insignificant. Then, the narcissist exaggerates the point to incite the other person and draw their attention away from what’s really happening. The narcissist fuels a small fire to keep the focus off the inferno somewhere else. The diversion is done to drain resources, energy, and time so the narcissist can attack when the other person is vulnerable.
Fear/Avoid. Narcissists have the ability to take a person’s fears and turn them into paranoia. Their charisma is put to destructive uses as they weave a believable story with a dreadful outcome. Once the other person is frightened, the narcissist uses their terror as justification for avoiding responsibility. They often cite the other person’s reactionary nature, thus discounting their worries.
Rescue/Retreat. This tactic is the most manipulative of bunch. First, the narcissist rescues the other person from a dreadful situation. Having gained their loyalty, the narcissist waits. Eventually, the other person confronts the narcissist about a lack of responsibility and the narcissist retreats. The withholding of love/attention/time is so dramatic that the other person becomes horrified and assumes responsibility so that the narcissist will return. Once secured, the narcissist then accuses the other person of not appreciating the rescue. The other person feels bad and succumbs to the wishes of the narcissist even further.
Other personality disorders use a few of these methods: anti-social (sociopaths and psychopaths), histrionic, borderline, obsessive compulsive, paranoid and passive-aggressive personality disorders all utilize portions of these tactics.
Given his uncontrollable nature, it would seem futile to respond to Trump in kind. Perhaps the most powerful form of response by Presumptive Democratic Nominee Hillary Clinton would be to speak softly and carry the “big stick” of expressing pity that a 70-year-old man needs to act younger by painting his hair yellow and screaming that the world just doesn’t appreciate him. After all, a serious candidate for the Presidential office surely must know that it requires diplomacy, tact and, most of all, a sense there are others almost as smart as he is! One might think the political party that has already caved in to his astonishing rhetoric would be just as concerned and, at the very least, suggest he cool his commentary, allow his hair to be concurrent with his age and learn the leader of the free world’s most powerful nation doesn’t wear a red baseball cap with a suit.
This relatively minimal approach might not work, given the consistency of Trump’s behavior. If Clinton can avoid being drawn into a screaming match with Trump in a debate, there’s little doubt that his narcissistic response to pity, kindness and questions regarding his stability might just send him running away.
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Joseph J. Honick is president of GMA International in Bainbridge Island, Wash.
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