They're scared to death of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who yesterday warned the good people of Ohio about an Iranian atomic attack on Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati or New York that would wipe out 300,000 Americans and leave a half-million wounded.
GOPers consider former Senator Rick Santorum as the flavor of the week, lacking the financial/organizational support to go the distance.
As for Congressman Ron Paul, he's operating in the alternative universe called Ron's World.
What's the party to do? How can they possibly knock off a resurgent President Obama, who now expects his own gusher of cash from the Super PACS that he once opposed?
There is a simple solution to the Republican woes. Recruit Clint Eastwood as their guy for the top spot.
The GOP has been making mincemeat over Eastwood's Super Bowl Chrysler ad, attacking it as propaganda for the Obama's re-election.
Karl "Mr. Sensitive" Rove says he was personally offended by the spot. To Karl, the ad is what happens when "you have Chicago-style politics and the president of the U.S. and his political minions in essence, using our tax payers to buy corporate advertising." Get over, it.
The ad worked because it emotionally connected with people concerned with the economic and social problems that face the U.S. It had nothing to do with politics.
Zeta Interactive, a marketing firm that mines info from 200M blogs and social media sites, said the buzz around Eastwood's ad is 83 percent positive. More importantly for the automaker, auto shopping site Edmunds.com recorded a 27 percent jump in people looking for information about Chrysler after Clint's "halftime in America" ad.
Even Texas Governor Rick Perry appreciates the Chrysler ad. He drew laughter from the Conservative Political Action Conference in D.C. when he said: "I'm fearful of what the final score is going to be if we let this president start the second half."
At 81-years-old, Clint may be a little long in the tooth, but the guy looks like he's in good shape. With universal name recognition, the former Republican mayor of Carmel, Calif., wouldn't have to hit the campaign trail very hard.
One thing for certain: the enthusiasm gap vanishes with Clint on the ticket.
Republicans could really make Clint's day by putting him on top of the ticket. After all, the GOP did okay the last time it ran an actor for the White House.