Fraser SeitelFraser Seitel

The top show on Netflix for a brief moment in October was “Nobody Wants This,” a smartly written romcom about a young rabbi who falls in love with a non-Jewish podcaster.

The show was entertaining enough, well-acted and, for the most part, inoffensive except for one Bar Mitzvah scene, where the rabbi’s older brother spots a notorious 12-year-old boy drinking at the bar.

“God, Stuart,” the brother exclaims, “Gimme that. Oh, it’s water. Good job; I trust you.”

To which the 12-year-old retorts, “Nice try, you f-ing narc.”

Cut. Wrap. Onto the next scene.

And therein lies a dilemma—at least in the mind of one old gent—that has subtly insinuated itself into proper society over the past decade. Swear words that used to be taboo in public discourse and had to be disguised in print—e.g. “f*@#, sh#&, b#*ch, etc.—are no longer verboten in conversation, business, politics and especially entertainment and social media.

Where even a decade ago, when somebody—usually a man—used the F word in a meeting, it was considered shocking; today it’s commonplace usage for both men and women. It’s almost expected because expletives are everywhere. The days of George Carlin’s “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television” are but hoary memories of a bygone, more puritanical era. In today’s society:

  • Music, from country to rap, is flooded with cursing.
  • Movies and TV shows rarely forego an opportunity to swear.
  • Celebrities and politicians, right and left-wing alike, from precinct captains to presidential candidates, toss around vulgarities with impunity.

It used to be that children were taught that cursing was inappropriate and revealed a limited vocabulary and more limited upbringing. Today, Instagram parents proudly share videos of their cute little toddler’s first curse words.

So, people curse, you say. Big whoop. People are simply expressing and not bottling up their strong emotions. And that’s good. Besides, they’re only words. It’s the 21st century. Don’t be so stuffy, you old coot. Cursing is no big deal.

Maybe. But then why is the New York Times—no shrinking violet when it comes to supporting progressive causes—so squeamish about opening the F-word floodgates? Here’s how standards editor Phil Corbett explains the Times’ policy on obscenities:

“In an age of ubiquitous vulgarity, it’s not very persuasive to argue that someone’s use of, say, the F word is deeply revealing.

“You may have seen an obscenity in the pages, digital or print, of the New York Times. But this should be rare. We maintain a steep threshold for vulgar words.

“The Times differentiates itself by taking a stand for civility in public discourse, sometimes at an acknowledged cost in the vividness of an article or two, and sometimes at the price of submitting to gibes.”

Now, there are plenty of things offensive about the New York Times, but its policy on using offensive language isn’t one of them. In fact, in a media environment where everything from disputing that children were murdered at Sandy Hook to publishing images of Liam Payne’s freshly dead body is fair game, defaulting to “civility” seems like a pretty decent goal.

And if you’re a professional communicator, you’ve got to ask yourself, “If the New York Times, the sacred bastion of journalistic standards, is reluctant to curse in public, shouldn’t I be, too?” As a public relations practitioner, you’ve got a responsibility to communicate more sensitively and skillfully than others; not to mention the responsibility to yourself—in terms of worth, awareness and respect.

In other words, just because everybody does it, doesn’t make it right. And if you, in your job and your social interactions and the example you set for your children, want to distinguish yourself by setting a higher standard, then watch your freaking language.

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Fraser P. Seitel has been a communications consultant, author and teacher for more than 40 years. He is the author of the Pearson text “The Practice of Public Relations,” now in its 14th edition, and co-author of “Rethinking Reputation” and "Idea Wise.” He may be reached directly at [email protected].