Bill Huey
Bill Huey

In 2021, the Washington Post declared that Trump should not have a presidential library. But now that The Donald is in his second term as President, the nation craves a Trump library and deserves one, in the same way it deserves Donald Trump.

The first consideration is location. Though various Florida sites have been touted, Bedminster, New Jersey, is a logical choice, as Trump’s former wife Ivana is buried there. Trump National Golf Club spreads over 600 acres with 36 holes. An average 18-hole golf course is between 120 and 200 acres, so there should be more than enough space for Trump to construct a library and a tomb for himself. Think of it: the first presidential library that is a library, tomb and golf club. As unique as the man himself. President Eisenhower would be jealous.

Trump can sell the land to the foundation that will build the library and book a handsome profit to offset his continuing losses on watches, guitars, Bibles, commemorative coins and Truth Social. The library might even have a Trump outlet store like the one in Trump Tower so the faithful can indulge in MAGA merch without paying Manhattan prices.

On the other hand, The Daily Beast reports “Donald Trump is considering using the millions he received from lawsuit settlements as seed money to build his presidential library in his adopted home state of Florida … at Florida Atlantic University, which has reportedly offered Trump a 100-year lease for free land on its campus, according to the Wall Street Journal.”

According to The Beast, the library campus will feature the $400 million airplane recently accepted by the Air Force from Qatar. According to Axios’s Mike Allen, Trump wants to change the plane’s signature blue-and-white look, designed by President John F. Kennedy and First Lady Jackie Kennedy in the 1960s. Trump wants a color scheme that “looks more American” and isn’t a “Jackie Kennedy" color. “He doesn’t think the current blue (technically “luminous ultramarine”) represents the USA,” Allen wrote.

The President can be expected to demand the design of a huge marble structure resembling Ataturk’s Tomb in Turkey. And if the Trump library is to accommodate a controversial supersized luxury Boeing 747 jet that is 268 feet long and 85 feet wide, it will generate an imposing footprint, whatever site is chosen for it. The setup will resemble the Air Force One hangar presently in the Reagan Library, except that beneath the words “United States of America,” there will be lettering that reads, “Not a Personal Airplane.”

The biggest challenge will be to edit the long list of ideas Trump is certain to have and focus on true facts and real history. Much has happened in the past few years, and there are vexing questions about the scope of the collection. This includes whether classified documents from Trump’s personal library at Mar-a-Lago should be included, or whether Trump’s conviction on 34 felony counts or the events of January 6, 2021, should be memorialized.

A Presidential Library would give Trump an opportunity to completely reshape the narratives of the Mueller Russia investigation and Jack Smith’s thwarted attempts to bring him to justice, as well as the January 6th “protest” and the SCOTUS’ assiduous home cooking on the question of presidential immunity.

Perhaps there could be a series of thematic rooms titled Impeachment, Trials, Divorces, Lawsuits, Close Calls and Gifts & Grifts.

And no doubt there will be a special corner set aside for Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize should he ever receive the honor for his achievements in peacemaking around the world. The President already believes he should have won four or five times by now, “but they only give it to liberals,” he told reporters during a June news conference. It was reported recently that Oleksandr Merezhko, the head of Ukraine’s Parliamentary Foreign Committee, had withdrawn his nomination, but then, as Jon Stewart suggested, Trump could always award it to himself.

The only book in the library will be Trump’s The Art of the Deal. Books like Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough or Russ Buettner and Suzanne Craig’s Lucky Loser: How Donald Trump Squandered His Father’s Fortune and Created the Illusion of Success; Michael Wolff’s Landslide and Bob Woodward’s Fear would be banned.

Children under 12 would not be permitted in this area, but scholars might welcome such an organized approach to the chaos of Trump’s time in the White House. I can just see a future Robert Caro or Doris Kearns Goodwin warming to the task of telling the rich and colorful story of Donald Trump and his two presidencies.

The library would likely be free to most visitors, but academics would have to pay a hefty fee to conduct research, particularly Ivy League academics and those from institutions not on the approved list. Mainstream media would also be excluded along the lines being practiced in the White House briefing room today.

There’s time to deliberate such weighty and consequential matters, but time is a-wasting when it comes to amenities such as the food court. Stalwarts such as McDonald’s, KFC and Diet Coke should be lined up immediately. And of course, there must be an Oreo bar featuring the entire lineup of the classic cookie.

According to Forbes, when Trump’s personal Boeing 757 was receiving a makeover a few years ago, he surprised aircraft interior design specialist Eric Roth by asking him for a special area in the plane’s galley dedicated to Oreo cookies. As Roth recalled, “I said to him, ‘Mr. Trump, really?’ And he replied, ‘I love Oreos.’”

If the galley in Trump’s personal Boeing 757 has an area devoted to Oreos, the library could have a much-expanded version. In fact, Trump might be able to work out a deal whereby every new Oreo variety and flavor is introduced at the library. For a fee.

In the entertainment and arcade area, children and adults could play video games like “Arrest the Immigrant”; “Fire the Inspectors General”; “Gut the FBI, USAID, NOAA, OSHA”; “Dodge the DOGE,” etc. A special section of the arcade would be devoted to so-called “legacy media,” especially PBS, NPR, CNN and others on the President’s hit list. A reporter’s shooting gallery could feature prominent White House reporters and network anchors who were not “nice” to Trump in his first or second terms. Winners would receive a red “So Tired of Winning” T-shirt and an embroidered MAGA hat.

Trump’s second term will fly by—no doubt a relief to many—so the Trump Presidential Library should be a top priority, especially site selection and exhibit planning. It should take precedence over the completion of Air Force One, tedious tariff talks, crypto and meme coins, re-opening Alcatraz, annexing Canada, mining the Pacific for rare earth metals and the invasion of Greenland. Because Donald, you’re on the verge of the Big Eight-Oh, and a library will take up to ten years to design and construct, so forget about having a third term and get cracking!

***

Bill Huey is President of Strategic Communications, a corporate communications and marketing consultancy and author of “Carbon Man,” a novel about greed.