Ah Mooch, We Hardly Knew Ya But Now We Know Ya Better

Left in the wake of The Mooch’s meteoric flameout was a “Communications Plan” in the form of a memo that the press has kindly surfaced for us communicators to savor.

The “plan” as the press gleefully calls it, consists of five “Priorities,” and is short on defined objectives and strategies. In fact, there are none-- just a series of statements and prescriptives about culture, process, and tone, plus a few ideas that range from terrible (a national online lottery to win a round of golf with Trump) to maybe not so bad (a series of televised fireside chats with Cabinet officials to discuss “relevant issues”).

But no matter. The principal objective of the plan may be found in Priority #2:

“Comms is a Customer Service Operation—POTUS is the Number One Customer.”

In other words, “This is a propaganda shop, and the president’s lies and confabulations come first.”

The logical next question is, so how is it going to get any better, as long as the Press Secretary has to go out there and lie or defend lies and confabulations every day?

Latest confabulations: The head of the Boy Scouts called to tell me what a terrific speech I made (no he didn’t; some people at the rally told Trump that, and they were all from West Virginia).

Also: The president of Mexico called to say that illegal border crossings were way down--way down (Trump says everything twice for emphasis. But no, the Mexican president didn’t call; he made a comment at the G-20 meeting). Sarah Huckabee Sanders, whom I shall call Huck the Shuck hereinafter, had a lot more trouble explaining that one.

And now, a sampling of the communications savvy and wisdom from Anthony Scaramucci, Harvard Law, 1989, although they seem to believe he is deceased.

• “WH should leave old grudges behind, but never forget.”

• “All Comms actions/decisions need to be evaluated through one and only one prism —does it help POTUS.”

• “Comms needs to start earlier (chronologically). Tomorrow will be won today. Tomorrow morning is too late.”

• “People are fascinated by the lives of their Presidents and the operation of the White House. POTUS is the greatest TV star in history. Comms should produce video content that constructively operates as “The President Donald J. Trump” show”

• . . .”real Americans do not care about palace intrigue in the White House. POTUS is leading and fostering an economy that makes their lives better. That’s what real people care about.”

I don’t know about you, but I have crafted dozens of communications plans, and I would never dare to submit something like this to even the most unsophisticated troglodyte of clients. Don’t you ever do it, either, unless you want to end up like The Mooch--or worse.

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Bill Huey is president of Strategic Communications, a corporate communications and marketing consultancy, and author of "Carbon Man," a novel about greed.